I sent in my entry for the championships this morning... After hitting the 'send' button and irrevocably committing myself to another potential disaster (last year, anyone?), All I'm left with are all of my myriad self -doubts and inadequacies.
Yeah, it's going to be one of those posts.
I've reached that point in my life where I'm more or less ok with the fact that there will always be someone prettier/richer/smarter/skinnier - probably all of the above. Or at least I am when it comes to the every day life/jobs that we all have.
With horses... that's another story.
I want to be able to afford to lesson with trainer I respect and admire.
I want to produce kind, talented, athletic horses.
I want to be able to share that with everyone.
But I cant. I cant do any of the above. I don't have the time, talent or money to chase after that dream... and I'll admit it: I'm jealous of those that do.
Best case scenario, as I see things right now: I putter around for a few years with each horse and become a training-second level master, a la RC. Do I want that? No. I do not.
So I guess I'll continue on... advancing at my glacial pace, trying not to screw up my Ponitas too terribly.
I can continue working and teaching lessons to those few who appreciate it.
I will take lessons when I can, and only from trainers who I respect (I do like my Ponitas, and see no need to let others ruin them. That's my job.).
I'll continue riding, cleaning barns, spreading manure, dragging arenas and more or less trying to make my home into a real 'dressage facility'.
Too bad sweat equity is so much less glamorous than true equity...